Finding your voice
by LunaRains
Summary: Sort of Au. What happened after the talk that Sam and Dean had in the purge and will Dean ever find his voice again. Will Sam help or stay true to his word(not to save him) and will Dean even want his help. what will Cas think and how will Bobby help seeing that he's dead?
1. Chapter 1

Finding your voice

Au after the ending scene of 9.13 the purge.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, just do this for the satisfaction of it.

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Prologue

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Sammy didn't just say that he wouldn't do anything to save him, and to top it all off he'd also told him that they weren't brothers anymore! So to sum all of what he'd been hearing for the last month or so...Dean I don't love you. Dean I don't need you anymore. Oh, and Dean your aren't worth the time and energy I would spend to save your life. And all of this was heard loud and clear.

Chapter 1

Sam woke up that morning just like every other morning in the past and ate him a healthy breakfast of oat meal and a cup of yogurt.

The day wore on as he continued to wait to see a sulking Dean come waltzing into the kitchen of the bunker, to start his most important artery clogging meal of the day.

Then Sam happened to look at the clock, it was nine o'clock and no Dean. Ten o'clock and no Dean. Then eleven o'clock and no Dean.

At twelve o'clock a thought that Dean hadn't been sleeping well was all that kept Sam from barging into Dean's bedroom, and telling him to stop acting like a baby.

Sam decided to go on with his like he normally would, but when he went for morning or in this case his afternoon run, there wasn't anyone running beside him and nudging his elbow and asking for a race.

At the dinner he ordered his usual salad with no dressing, but there wasn't anyone to say " "what's wrong Sammy afraid that you might gain a couple pounds?" which aggravated him to no end but he still missed it.

Then again it was him that called "bull" and told Dean that their relationship was to be strictly a business relationship. When he returned to the bunker at around 4:30 he made the decision that he was (A) going to Dean to stop acting like a third grader or (b) tell him to get his lazy ass out of bed because they had work to do.

Neither of the options bothered Sam at all, until he opened the door to his brother's room...

Thanks for taking the time to read this is my first published fanfic, so please let me know what you think should I keep going or not..hugs and kisses LunaRains.


	2. Chapter 2

I'd like to thank everyone who read and especially for those the read and reviewed. You guys are totally Awesome. Thanks again!

Luney.

Disclaimer: I don't have one red cent...so I don't own anything. It sucks to be poor!

Chapter 2

And there lay Dean on his bed staring up at the ceiling.

"I thought that we were grown-ups now, Dean." Sam said in an unbelieving tone, at how juvenile Dean was acting over a few words.

He thought for sure that that little snide comment would have gotten some kind of rise out of Dean's usually smart assed mouth. But he just continued to lay there unmoving, staring up at the ceiling.

"Come on Dean, get your lazy ass up or did you forget that we have work to do?" Sam said in a serious tone, as he tapped Dean's leg lightly.

But his remarks still solicited no movement. no grunted bitch. No nothing.

"Okay you've had you fun but this so not funny anymore. Is this really how you want to spend our time...'cause we sure as hell aren't gonna find Abbadon playing this stupid game!" Sam said with an angry growl toward his brother, at Dean's reaction or lack thereof, as he moved toward the head of the bed.

"I said GET THE HELL UP!" Sam yelled as he smacked his hands together right in front of Dean's face.

It wasn't until he realized that Dean's green eyes hadn't wavered from the same exact spot that he knew that something wasn't right.

"Oh my god!" Sam said as he reached toward Deans neck to check his pulse.

As soon his finger tips made contact with Dean's bare skin, a vision came to him in a rush, but it was as if someone was trying to keep him from seeing the whole thing. All he managed to get was flash of a dark hallway, before he came crashing back to reality.

"What the hell?" Sam asked himself.

He hadn't experienced anything like that since the death of the yellow eyed demon.

"Come on Dean, snap the hell out of it!" He yelled before he realized that he had no idea what IT was.

He did know one thing for sure it wasn't a side affect from any of the hunts that they had been on recently, because they hadn't hunted anything with that kind of power lately.

Then he caught sight of Dean's arm...where peeking out from his sleeve was the red edges of the mark of Cain. That's it! It has to be, because that is the only thing that makes sense.

Now the only question was...what to do about it? That produced a hundred other questions, like would he even be able to find anything about the mark on the internet? He highly doubted that since they had no wi fi in the Garden Of Eden.

Of course he could make a few calls to various contacts that he had, just to see if they knew of anything other than the mark that could cause this. But then again the best course of action might be just to wait to see if maybe it was something that would run it's course.

Yeah that's what Sam would do, and while he waited he could research Metatron, Gadreel, and Abbadon. With that he left the man that used to be his brother, that seemed now nothing more than an empty shell.

Let me know what you all think good or bad. And remember guys be gentle it's my first time. Wow! It's been a long time since I was able to say that! Lol see ya later.


	3. Chapter 3

An: I would like to thank everyone for reading my first story! Fanfiction has created a monster, because now I am a review starved monster. Guess it's a good thing that supernatural isn't real or I would be doomed to by some hunters hands, and the way my luck runs I probably wouldn't even get the handsome sight of Sam and Dean as I died. So please review!

An 2: I am sorry to all Sammy fans, if he seems harsh to you. I love the guy too, but lately he hasn't been acting Normal and it is aggravating me to no end. Now in chapter three get ready to see my favorite angel make an appearance.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Winchesters or Cas... I know it's really sad, but I'll carry on somehow.

Chapter 3

Sam sat in front of the computer screen like he had for the last three days, searching for a lead on Gadreel the angel that Dean had allowed to possess him. He knows that he should at least go check on Dean but it's not like he hasn't looked in on him. But to hell if he was going to touch him again. He didn't like the dark place that he'd seen as somehow a vision shot through him. No what he needed now, was to keep looking for Gadreel. If he found him then metatran would fall in line, kinda like dominoes.

"Sam!" He heard the familiar gravely voice of Dean's best friend and more recently one of his.

"Hey Cas, what are you doing here?" He greeted the trench coated man.

"I've come to see if you have any leads. All of the trails that I have been fallowing as of late, have grown cold." The angel responded as he looked around the bunker as if something had went missing.

" Sam, where is your brother?" The angels deep voice demanded.

" Dean is in his room!" Sam answered trying but not sucseeding in hiding the flinch that occurred when Cas used the word brother.

"Why is in there is Dean feeling poorly?" Cas asked curiously, as he was already making his way to Dean's room.

" Dean?" He called out as looked at his friend, who remained motionless staring at the ceiling above with no recognition of anything in his eyes." How did this happen Sam?" Cas asked with something kin to worry in his tone.

" I don't know... I just found him like this three days ago, and I guess I got so caught up in research that I forgot." Sam explained.

"Three days ago...your brother has been like this for three days, and you didn't call me sooner!" Cas said sounding angry.

Cas reached down and touched the tips of his fingers to Dean's forehead like he had always done when he was trying to heal one of the men. "Why is there a dark hallway?" Cas asked as he looked up from Dean with a look of uncertainty mired across his face.

"You seen it too! Maybe it's from the Mark?" Sam asked with a small part of him being glad that he wasn't the only one who did, because that at least meant that he wasn't going crazy.

"No, it has nothing to do with the Mark, but I can tell you that whatever it is is well guarded, because I cannot gain clearance to see it any clearer." Cas said simply.

"Well can you help him Cas? Sam asked quietly. The only thing I can do is keep him hydrated...we have to find out what is causing this reaction before we can bring him back."

" What..do you mean that his soul isn't in there?" Sam asked curiously.

"No his soul is intact, it just feels as if it's locked behind a titanium wall. Cas answered, and watched as Sam began to swallow hard like he was trying to keep information to himself. What exactly aren't you telling me, Sam? Has something like this happened before... I need to know so that I can fix whatever is wrong with your brother". Cas said looking into Sam's eyes as if to see whether he was telling the truth. _

please review and let me know what you think, or give suggestions on what you think should happen in the plot line. Kisses and hugs! Luney


	4. Chapter 4

An: I would like to thank all of you who keep reading, and also all of the wonderful reviews. I would also like to give a big thank you to Ebba Rose for her reminding me about the simplest thing that a writer should never forget. I enjoy hearing from ya'll and hope to take all notes given to me to make me a better writter.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, but if I did I'd make a few of them dance for me...lol

Chapter 4

"What are you thinking, Cas?" Sam asked about an hour later.

"What it is that I am thinking, is that we may be to solid to breech the hallway, and that if that is true we need to find someone who Dean loves and trust. This person also must be in spirit form." Cas said as he unknowingly rubbed his chin in deep thought.

" So someone like...Dad? Or even mom?" Sam spoke up as the thoughts crossed his mind.

"Yes... well maybe, but you are forgetting that none of the angels have ever found any evidence of Mary or John in Heaven." Cas answered regretfully.

"Okay...wait, I thought that you said Heaven was shut down!" Sam said with a shocked gasp.

"It is very much so, but while I was acting as God, I learned a few secrets about the passages of Heaven, and this is our only way to get your brother back, Sam." Cas informed him happy that he was able to help, Dean out.

"Stop calling him that, Cas!" Sam said angrily.

"Excuse me?" Was all a confused Castiel could find in his vocabulary at the time.

"I said stop calling him my brother...he isn't my brother anymore!" Sam growled out to the angel.

"You did this to him...you told him that the two of you were no longer brothers, didn't you?" Cas said as he slammed Sam against the wall. "I'm sorry Sam, but that's not the way that a family works! Lucifer is evil and will stop at nothing to kill people, or worse damn them to hell...but, HE IS STILL MY BROTHER!" Cas shouted angrily, as his steely blue eyes locked on to Sam's hazel ones.

"Do what you want Cas, but there's nothing that you can do to change the way that I feel." Sam said, as he felt Cas loosen his grip. "Where are you going?" Sam shouted clearly not done with the argument.

"I'm going to heaven, to get Bobby...So that we can SAVE MY BROTHER." Castiel said as Sam heard flapping wings meaning that he had left.

Getting into Heaven would be the easy part, it would be sealing the entrance back up, to keep the rogue angels with a lust for bloodshed out, that would be the hard part. It took the angel only moments to unlock the passage way of Heaven. Then of course there was the searching of everyone's individual Heaven. He search through those for what seemed like an eternity before he came to sign that read Singer's Salvage.

"Bobby!" He yelled over the barking rottweilers.

"What in tar nation?" Bobby said as he answered the door and moved aside to grant Castiel access to his home.

"I need your help." Cas said simply trying not to be distracted by the slightly younger Winchester boys, arguing over who they thought was the tougher law officer, someone named Magnum or Walker.

" Psh...like there is even an option there, Walker would hand Magnum his head on a plate!" Dean said to his insulted looking brother.

"Hit the bricks, boys. We can finish this riveting conversation later! Bobby said as the Winchesters vanished into thin air. Not that I mind your company Cas...but what have dumb and dumber gotten themselves into that you would show up and pull me out of Heaven like this?"

TBC

Don't forget to review, let me know what you think. Give me some suggestions if you'd like! Thanks again!

Luney


	5. Chapter 5

An: I'd like to thank everyone for their reviews! You guys are so good to me. I like to give Sam fans my regrets for how I have written him, but this is how I see him lately. I plan on a chapter a day, but right now they are talking about a winter storm moving in. So if I don't update it's probably for that reason.

Disclaimer: I don't own this characters, but I know who does Eric Kripke.

Chapter 5

Cas did his best to ease Bobby's fears, and he did manage to tell him everything except for Sam and Dean's relationship problems. Cas thought that it would be best to let Bobby find out for himself, the shambles that the Winchesters brotherly bond was in.

"Are you sure that I'm the best bet here Cas? The last time this happened, Sam was the only one that he would respond to, and the one who finally brought Dean out of his shell." Bobby asked curiously.

"Sam is not an option this time." Cas informed Bobby, trying not to clue him into what he thought about Sam right now.

"Okay lets get this show on the road then...I've been wanting a Vacation from all of this perfect, anyway!" Bobby answered as he fallowed Cas to the passage way.

The brightness of it almost hurt to look at it.

"You need to walk through first, so that I can seal it behind you." Cas instructed with a nod, as he took out his angel blade and sliced into the skin of his vessel.

Bobby watched as Cas' grace flowed out and around the opened edges of the passage way sealing them closed.

"Cas, what are you doing?" Bobby asked worried for his friend, but got no answer except loud spoken enochian followed by the thump of Cas hitting the ground.

I'm fine, I just need a moment. Cas said in a shaky voice.

"Sure thing Cas, take all off the time you need. So while we are sitting here, why don't you tell me what things are like on earth, since I've been gone?" Bobby asked as he helped his friend sit up.

"It's much the same as before you left, the only difference is that now there are angels that seem to thrive on killing each other." Cas explained as his energy regenerated.

"It's been going that good, huh?" Bobby said as he shook his head disapprovingly. "Angels killing each other is far from good Bobby, less angels around means less protection for humans." Cas told Bobby in a serious voice, while looking at him in confusion.

"I didn't mean that it was actually a good thing, Cas. I was using sarcasm ya idjit!" Bobby said as he rolled his eyes.

"We must get back to the bunker." Cas said as he ported them both.

They arrived at the bunker to see Sam still sitting in front of his computer.

"Sam!" Bobby said as he wrapped Sam in a bone crushing hug.

"Bobby how is Heaven, man?" Sam asked happy to see the man that he considered to be a second father to him.

He was also shocked that Bobby was so happy to him. Either Cas hadn't spilled the beans about what Sam had said to Dean, or he had spilled the beans and the older man agreed with him.

"Heaven is Heaven. Bobby said with a laugh. So, I hear that that brother of yours has gotten himself into a mess. It's just like old times isn't boy, you and your brother get in a tight spot and need an old man's help to get out of it." Bobby said as he followed in the direction that Cas was heading in.

" He's not my brother!" Whispered Sam.

"What was that boy?" Bobby asked hoping that his ears were playing tricks on him.

"Nothing never mind, Bobby." Was Sam's only reply as he remained in front of the computer.

TBC

So as usual let me know what you think... oh and I'd like to say happy 36th to the man that plays our favorite Dean...and I don't mean Jared, but his Dean comes a close 2nd. Lol! See ya soon

Luney


	6. Chapter 6

An: Hello everyone, I thought that I would post another chapter before the bad weather hits and electric goes out. I like this chapter better than the last, so maybe it's because of my new addiction...reviews. Love to all who read and review.

Disclaimer: I don't own em but like to make em do what I want.

Chapter 6

Putting what he thought he had heard Sam say out of his mind, he moved into the bedroom that Cas had just entered.

"Dean, I brought Bobby to help you." Bobby heard Cas whisper, and could have sworn that he saw sadness written on the angels face.

"We're gonna get ya fixed up good as new, kiddo." Bobby said as he nodded in agreement with Cas.

"Okay Cas, just give me the instructions and I'm ready to go." Bobby told Cas, unable to look into Dean's vacant eyes any longer.

"I can not instruct you Bobby. I don't know how we are supposed to do this." Cas said staring at a motionless and emotionless Dean.

"What?" Bobby started to ream Cas out, but for some reason the look in the angels blue eyes kept him from doing so.

"I'm sorry Bobby, I didn't think it through... I mean after everything, I just couldn't let him lay here like this. And you were my only choice. I was hoping that in your years of hunting and research, that you would have some information on how to do this." Cas answered looking at the floor in shame.

"I've never heard of anything like this, but we'll figure it out. So how did you try to get in there?" Bobby asked wondering why Sam wasn't here, spouting off about methods that he had found in all of his research, that they should give a try.

"We touched him." Cas answered short and sweet.

"Okay so we can try that, and if that doesn't work I have another idea." Bobby said as he moved around to the head of the bed, and put his fingers to Dean's forehead like he had seen Cas do 100 times.

Then there it was the dark hallway that Cas had described to him. "Dean?" Bobby whispered, as the hallway began to blink out...it reminded Bobby of the ghosts that he had put to rest as a hunter. "Quit trying to shove me out, boy! I'm trying to help you out here!" Bobby yelled to Dean once he figured out why the hallway was blinking out.

"Go away, Bobby. Before you get hurt, just like everyone else who gets close to me!" Dean warned.

Bobby felt out of whack because as long as he had known the boy, he had never heard Dean sound so broken...except for when Sam had died in cold oak, that is.

" You can't hurt me boy, I'm already dead!" Bobby said as he walked in the direction that Dean's voice seemed to be coming from.

"That's my point! Kevin, You, Pamela, Jo, Ellen, Dad and Mo..."

"You better stop right there, son!" Bobby interrupted, as he found Dean crouched in the corner hugging his legs to his chest.

"How about you tell me about these instant messages you've been sending out?" Bobby asked in an attempt to change the subject, as he sat down next to man he loved like a son.

"I wasn't meaning to, it just happened...you know I'm usually real careful, but I couldn't stop it this time." Dean answered unable to stop himself and knowing that he had already said to much.

TBC

As usual I would appreciate you all telling me what you think and if you have any thoughts on the direction you would like to see me take on it. Thanks again and everyone stay safe during the ice storm.

Luney


	7. Chapter 7

An: thanks for hanging in there with me and I hope you are still finding this story enjoyable, and I apologize if it is hard to for you to read, but I hope to resolve those issues soon. In case you are wondering...yes my high school lit teacher loved me but hated to check my papers because of this issue... I really got her going when I told her. I aint got no book! Lol good times. Wonder if she knew that I was just doing that to get on her nerves? Don't forget to review me.

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone just ask my four kids.

Chapter 7

"What do you mean, you're usually more careful with it?" Bobby asked confused by the whole situation.

"I just always have... I don't know it's just isn't working anymore!" Dean answered as if Bobby should know exactly what he was talking about.

"Okay, well that's not important right now, all that is important is getting you back out there where you belong. And I assume you know the way we are supposed to do that!" Bobby said in a matter of fact tone.

"I'm not going back Bobby...it's better for me here!" Dean informed Bobby as he pressed his forehead against he's knees.

"Come on kiddo, you don't really mean that. How in the world can this be comfortable?" Bobby asked pointing to the darkness all around them.

"Because at least if I break down in here there is no one to see it...that way no one ever has to know how weak I really am." Dean answered with a tremble in his voice.

"So, you're afraid to let people see that you're human? Everybody has a mental break every now and then, son... so come on lets get back to that brother of yours before he worries himself sick over you!" Bobby said which elicited a scoff from Dean's throat.

"You mean Sam? Sam's not worried about me. I'll just stay right here thank you!" Dean said as he tried to swallow past the lump that had grown in his throat.

"Of course Sam's worried about you, he's your brother ya idjit!" Bobby yelled and felt like shaking some sense into the man sitting next to him.

"You must not have gotten the memo, that said how I screwed everything up, and as a result am now an only child, because Sam is no longer my brother! Now we are only hunting partners." Dean told him his voice hallowed from the devastation that he felt.

"What did you screw up again?" Bobby asked growing more and more confused by the minute.

"You know Bobby, the easier question to ask would be what haven't I screwed up? And the answer would be nothing, because there has never been anything in my life that I haven't turned to crap. This is just one more to add to the top of a very long list!"

"Dean listen to me, you and Sam have always had these spats, but in the end they seem to work themselves out! So come on back so that the two of you can chick flick this thing out!" Bobby said as he stood up and offered a hand to the younger man.

"I said no!" Dean said as the hallway once again flickered out of sight.

TBC

Thanks again for reading...be sure to let me know if you have any suggestions at all! I enjoy a little constructive criticism, it makes me work harder to become better and punctuation as you may have noticed is not my strong suit. But it used to be a lot worse than it is now...in short I hope I am using the quotation marks right and if I am not, it's okay if you feel the need to treat me like a kindergartener. Thanks Bunches for the reviews- Luney


	8. Chapter 8

An: hello again, I just like to apologize for missing yesterday. My kids have been home for the past two days and they just think that they have to be fed multiple times a day, who knew right. And trying to talk to a publisher with my little entertainers wasn't easy either but doesn't really look like I am any closer to getting any of my books published considering that they want me to pay them. Well that enough venting for one day. I hope you enjoy this chapter and at least it's published right.

Disclaimer: this is purely for amusement and I don't own them.

Chapter 8

"Balls!" Bobby spat out as he realized that he was right back in the bedroom where he had started.

"What happened? Why isn't he waking up?" Cas asked quietly as he stared at Deans still form that still lay on the bed.

"He kicked me out! That's what happened...he said that he didn't want to come back." Bobby said looking around the room. "Where's Sam?" Bobby asked, he had thought for sure the boy would be there when he came out of Deans messed up head.

"Bobby you have to try again! His body will not react well to not getting the nutrients it needs." Cas told Bobby simply.

"Like what Dean ate could ever pass for nutrition!" Sam scoffed from the doorway.

"What's up with you two anyway, and don't even pretend to not know what I am talking about." Bobby said using his fatherly tone that always seemed to work on Sam.

Sam opened his mouth as if he was going to speak and then shut it again.

"Dean said he screwed everything up, do you know what he could have been talking about?" Bobby asked this time in a no nonsense kind of way.

"He let an angel that he thought was a friend of Cas' possess me. Because after the trials, the doctors told him that I was dying, and this angel told Dean that he could heal me." Sam explained looking at the floor or anywhere else for that matter that wasn't Bobby or Dean.

"That doesn't sound so bad... I mean the last time that anything like that happened he did sell his soul." Bobby said failing to see what Sam saw as the problem.

"He tricked me Bobby, into letting that angel hitch a ride, the angel had to have permission and he tricked me!" Sam repeated in a stern voice.

"I may be a card short of a deck here, but I'm not seeing the big screw up...and I hate to pour salt in a wound but all of us know that you have said yes to a lot worse!" Bobby said looking Sam dead in the eyes.

"I was ready to die Bobby, and Dean took that choice away from me, and Kevin got killed in the process." Sam informed his father figure.

"Oh, you mean like that time you drove Dean to that faith healer in Nebraska?" Bobby asked with both of his brows raised.

"That wasn't even close to the same thing Bobby, Dean could've said no anytime that he wanted to. I didn't have that choice. A brother is someone that you are supposed to be able to trust!" Sam yelled begging Bobby to see his point.

"Did he really have a choice Sam, because you and I both know that he never could tell you no...did you even take the time to ask him? And surely you don't want to talk about trust Sam!" Bobby yelled but he wasn't angry.

"Lets see Mr. trustworthy, there was drinking demon blood?" Bobby began but was interrupted by Cas on the next one.

"What about leaving him in purgatory for a year, without looking for him because of a woman!?" Cas asked and his voice did seem angry.

"That is nothing compared to what he's done to me Bobby!" Sam said defensively.

"You know what Sam that's true, because Dean never turned his back on you, and whenever you screwed up he always welcomed you back with open arms. You self righteous brat!" Bobby said angrily, before turning to Cas. I think I have a way to make the boy eat! Bobby said as he jumped into Dean's body.

TBC

Thanks for reading don't forget to review, and I need to know whether you are finding this easier to read since I am using the quotation marks in it. Have a blessed day :)

Luney


	9. Chapter 9

An: as usual I send my love to everyone... I hope this isn't too dorky to say, but I really feel like doing the Sally Fields thing! What the hay! "You like me...you really like me!" Lol.

Disclaimer: not mine just like to pretend they are.

Chapter 9

The plan was flawless, Bobby would jump into Dean's body, and feed him without trouble. Because Dean being stuck inside himself had no clue about what was going on, in the outside world. It wasn't until Bobby came out did the notice that their flawless plan wasn't so flawless after all. Dean began to throw up everything that Bobby had been able to fork in.

"Any other ideas, Bobby?" Cas asked as he wiped the spit from Dean's face.

"How's it going?" Sam asked as he walked into the room, gaining a heated glare from Cas.

"Not as well as we planned." Was all that Bobby shared.

"Can I have a moment alone with him." Sam asked as motioned toward Dean. "Sure, kid." Bobby answered reluctantly as he motioned for Cas to fallow him out of the room.

"You know, I was just joking when I said that you could loose a couple pounds, Dean." Sam said as he laughed nervously.

"This isn't working! I mean, you can't even hear me can you?" Sam asked as he made his decision, if Bobby couldn't bring Dean back then he would at least have to give it a try.

He quickly reached for Dean's hand before he had time to talk himself out of it. Dean's name was on his lips even before the hallway blinked into view.

"Dean?" He called again as he waited for his eyes to adjust to the lack of light.

"Come on, Dean! I know you're mad at me, but we need to talk about this." Sam stated into the darkness.

"No! You just need to go away Sam!" Dean said as he kicked Sam back to reality.

"Not this time Dean!" Sam yelled to the still form on the bed, and grabbed his hand like he had done before but held it a little tighter this time. "Did you think that you could get rid of me that easy Dean?" Sam questioned with a grin, once he was back in the hallway.

"Just leave me the HELL alone, Sam!" Dean answered as he once again dissolved the hallway from the grasp of Sam's mind.

"Don't make me hug your ass!" Sam said as he crushed Dean's hand in his once more. "Just tell me this one thing and then I'll leave you alone...when did the mighty Dean Winchester become a coward?" Sam asked in a serious tone.

"Is this what you think this is, Sam...me being a coward?" Dean asked with a sarcastic chuckle.

"Sort of Dean, yeah...you don't want to face what I said to you the other night." Sam answered with a nod. "If you don't face up to this Dean, you are going to die!" Sam added.

"Look Sam, I'm not going to say that it didn't hurt me when you said all of that crap the other night, because it did...but this goes way beyond that!" Dean answered as he motioned to the around hallway, that now had doors along it on both sides.

"What are they?" Sam asked curiously.

"It turns out that you were right all of those years when you said that I needed to open up. Sam, there is a shitload that you don't know about me!" Dean answered quietly as he looked nervously toward all of the doors.

TBC

Hope you all enjoy...let me know what you think. Or maybe have some suggestions on things you would like to see happen in this story. Thanks! Luney


	10. Chapter 10

An: hello again I would like to say thank you all for all of your awesome advice! I am torn I want to fix this from chapter one but then again I want to finish it before I do that. So what do you all think?

Chapter 10

"I doubt that!" Sam laughed, but his face immediately dropped when he seen the seriousness on Dean's face. "Like what?" Sam asked in a stunned tone.

"Like that laugh in the face of death thing for starters. That wasn't all fake, I've longed to be out of this crap hole since I was four years old. The only thing that stopped me was you, Sam." Dean said as he swallowed hard.

"So, when you were electrocuted?" Sam asked as he looked into the darkness, but in the general direction that Dean's voice came from.

"Yep, I was ready then...but you were so Hell bent on saving me, that I couldn't say no! I mean those friggin' puppy dog eyes of yours should be registered as a WMD." Dean answered as a light came on from underneath one of the doors.

Sam could finally make his brother's face out from the glow of the light coming from under the door. In that moment Sam's breath was taking away, by the vulnerable look on his brother's face.

"I guess that's your first stop, huh?" Sam asked as he reached his brother.

"Yeah..." Dean answered with a bit of reluctance.

"Maybe I can go in with you...if you want me too?" Sam asked as he gave Dean's shoulder a small squeeze.

Dean almost argued that he didn't need Sam's help, but then a thought that maybe he wouldn't be able to pull himself out of one of these places.

"Doesn't matter, whatever floats your boat." Dean answered but really found himself wanting Sam's help.

As Dean opened the door, he really wasn't surprised at his surroundings. What he was surprised to find was that Sam was following close behind him. They were back in the nursery in Lawrence.

"Come to Papa, Deano!"

They heard an unfamiliar voice call. This brought a gasp from both of the Deans in the room, as their eyes landed on the yellow eyed demon.

"Get away!" The younger Dean yelled out, as the demon leaned over Sam's crib.

In the next moment the scene seemed to fast forward. And then three boys in the room were forced to look into the eyes of their mother burning to death on the ceiling.

"No!" Both Deans yelled simultaneously, until the force that had been holding Dean in the room,vanished.

"Was that real, did you actually see that? And why was yellow eyes talking to you like that?" Sam fired off the questions.

"Yeah, I just didn't didn't remember all of it I guess!" Dean answered as they went back into the hallway.

TBC

Thanks for your support on this, I appreciate it! Hope that you are still enjoying it. Let me know any suggestions that you may have, because I know I have a lot to learn.

Luney


	11. Chapter 11

An:Thanks to everyone who gave me advice, and for all readers also!

Disclaimer: I don't own em, I do this for the fun of writing!

Chapter 11

"Now what?" Dean wondered out loud, after standing in the hallway for what seemed to be a eternity.

"I don't know, Dean. Maybe the key is to talk about things, that make you uncomfortable." Sam suggested as he realized that the first light hadn't came on until, Dean had done so.

"No thanks! That was enough sharing to do me a lifetime!" Dean answered as he sit back down with his head in his hands.

"Well then come out to the real world with me." Sam said bitterly

"I can't I'm stuck here, Sam!" Dean yelled back as the hallway began to flicker again.

"Don't you dare kick me out of here, Dean! There has to be a way out of here for you." Sam said simply and in a quieter manner.

"There's only two ways out of here, Sam...I either go through all of those doors, or I die. And if the next one is anything like the last, I think I'd rather die. Why are you even here, Sam? And why do you care...I mean it's not like we are brothers or anything. Dean asked with a hurt look on his face. Oh..." Dean said as he put the pieces together.

Oh, what? Sam asked sounding confused.

Oh, so you came in here to help me after I had already kicked Bobby out...because you wanted credit for saving me! And you have the nerve to call me selfish? Dean said shaking his head.

"I came in here to help you, Dean! Because nothing else was working...and FYI you are selfish!" Sam answered, as he tried to shove his brother.

But to Sam's surprise his hand went right through Dean as if he were a holographic image.

"Yeah the shoving thing doesn't really work for me, and niether does this Dean is a selfish ass, adittude! Do you wanna know why Sam...because I never got to the things that you did, Sam! I never got encouragement to keep my grades up, and I sure as hell never got a warning for back talking dad, the way you did Sam! The yellow eyed demon was right when he said that the two of you didn't need me...I was an after thought to the both of you!" Dean ranted, while moving on to the next door.

Dean reached the doorknob but was already second guessing himself on opening it, but in the end decided that he had to do this. The image wasn't like the one before, he had never expected this to be behind a door.

"You shouldn't baby him so much! How is he ever going to learn to hunt if you are always kissing his booboos every time he so much as gets a paper cut?" John yelled angrily at a 14 year old Dean.

I just don't want him to get hurt, dad! Dean told his father quietly.

You had no one holding your hand at that age, and you turned out okay! John yelled back.

It always seemed that the quieter that Dean spoke the louder his father would be.

"That's just because mom was gone. If she were here, you know everything would be different!" Dean yelled to his father, but it wasn't in anger it was so that maybe just this once he would be heard.

"I don't remember this happening? When did this happen?" Sam asked as he looked over to his big brother whose eyes were glued to the scene ahead of him.

"Is that what you are trying to be? Sammy's mommy? Because last time that I noticed you had the wrong equipment to be anyone's mommy!" John spat out.

"Someone has to be the parent around here! And the only equipment needed is a heart!" Dean yelled full of anger.

"Excuse me?" John asked moving closer trying to intimidate his oldest son, but Dean had already decided to stand his ground.

"I said someone has got to be the parent around here, SIR!" Dean repeated.

Then once again the image shifted and seemed to fast forward. To the younger version of Dean laying on the ground as his father stepped over him.

"I'm going to Bobby's to get your brother, and from now on you will not stand in the way of me teaching MY son to hunt..understood?" John asked as he bent to his son's level.

"YES SIR!" Dean grunted out as he watched his blood splatter on the floor.

Dean ran out of the door as soon as the invisible force holding him there allowed and ran back into the hallway gasping for breath. As he felt Sam squeeze his shoulder.

"How come I can touch you now?" Sam asked curiously.

"Because before I didn't want you to!" Dean stated simply.

TBC

I hope this was worth the wait and let me know what you think of course.


	12. Chapter 12

An: so I calling this my mega chapter because I think it is longer than any I have wrote so far. I hope all who read enjoy. I can't tell you how tough it is...I was telling my husband some awesome joke about winter storm Vulcan and he didn't get any of them. I told him that that storm had them in a death grip, and not even a chuckle?

Disclaimer: I do not own them, but just wait until my rich uncle gets out of the poor house.

Chapter 3

Dean just sat in the hallway, shaking from the last doorway/memory.

"Why didn't you ever tell anyone...if dad had hit me even one time!" Sam stated shaking his head thinking he would have at least told Bobby.

"I would've killed him before I'd let that happen!" Dean answered simply.

"Okay so maybe selfish was the wrong word to describe you Dean, but you have to know that what you have done was wrong! And if we are ever going to be brothers again, I am going to have to trust you. Right now I'm not sure that I can!" Sam said as he shook his head.

"Why is it that you can't trust me, Sam? I haven't done anything that you haven't done before!" Dean asked sincerely.

As soon as the questions were out of Dean's mouth the light came on under the next door.

"Come on Dean, lets just get this over with!" Sam ordered.

"Really, because I am in no rush to see what's behind door number three! But you can tell me just what I did so wrong that would cost me the only person that I have left in the world?" Dean asked with his voice breaking with emotion.

This just about broke Sam's resolve, and he was a breath away from telling Dean that he could forgive him from everything that had happened. But what good would that do anyone? Dean had to be taught this lesson.

"This...sitting in the corner, that's not you! Dean Winchester doesn't just roll over and give up like that!" Sam said as he crouched to look into Dean's eyes.

"I'm not giving up, Sam! I just don't have anything left to fight with!" Dean answered sadly.

"Listen to me Dad was wrong for doing that to you, and you should have never had to watch mom burn to death like that...but you were strong and got through it!" Sam said trying to reassure Dean enough to keep going.

"No I didn't, I just stuffed them behind these doors and hoped that they would stay closed! And I don't blame Dad for what he did. He had every right... I wasn't anyone's parent, I was just a snot nosed kid who mouthed off!" Dean answered truthfully.

"The hell you weren't! You were the one who encouraged me to do well in school...YOU were the one who took care of me! Not dad, you did that! Sam said finally feeling confident enough in his words to literally grab Dean to shake some sense into him. Now get off of your ass and Do something about THIS!" Sam told Dean as he pointed toward the next door.

"Why do you even want me to do this, Sam? It's not like I have a lot to look forward to when I get out of here. Or did you just want to sneak a peek inside my head to see how screwed up I really am?" Dean asked curiously.

"I don't know Dean...maybe, I thought that it would help me to understand why you did, what you did." Sam answered.

Dean slid up the wall to get to his feet. Of course he could've told Sam why he had let the angel possess him, but he decided to let him come to his own assumptions. Dean really hoped that this was the last door, but was very doubtful about that when he spotted at least three other doors that he hadn't opened yet. Dean reached out to the door and yanked it open, after a few deep breaths. The sight in front of him was his 10 year old self frozen in place with his gun drawn, but unable to shoot. As his father aimed and took a shot, it wasn't his usual kill shot but it wounded the striga who had been depleting Sam of his life's energy.

"Damn it Dean, I thought that I told you to watch out for your brother! If I can't trust you to do that, then what in the hell can I trust you to do?" John asked angrily as he slapped his oldest across the cheek, and went to Sam's side.

"I'm sorry... I just went out for a minute!" Dean answered as he rubbed his hand against his red cheek.

"You don't understand, how important Sammy is, Dean! Your only job is to keep your brother safe...is that understood?" John said as he attempted to wake his youngest.

"Yes sir! I'll do better, I promise. I can help him if you want." Dean said nervously as he watched the disappointment grow in his father's face, the longer that he was unable to wake Sam.

"I think that you've helped your brother enough for one day, don't you?" John spat out angrily.

"I can fix this, sir!" Dean said as he reached down and touched his brother's face, and Sam began to stir instantly.

"What did you do?!" Sam's asked as voice echoed John's in the memory.

"I-I don't know... I just fixed him." Dean answered the best he knew how, while grinning at his baby brother.

Sam's attention was fully on present Dean who hadn't seemed to acknowledge that he had even spoken.

"So you have some sort of Freak powers, is that it?" John asked.

The look of devastation on present Dean's face mirrored the look of his younger counterparts face.

"You better watch that kind of stuff Dean...hunters will hunt you down like a monster!" John said through clenched teeth.

Whatever held Dean in the room finally dissipated enough for Sam to yank his brother into the hallway.

"What was that, Dean?" Sam asked as he watched his brother's emotions crash all around him.

TBC

thanks for reading hope that you liked this chapter. Let me know what you think, I'm sorry if John seems a little harsh.

Luney


	13. Chapter 13

An: Thanks for all the reviews. This chapter is a bit longer too, so I don't know if it's just because the story is progressing or if the other chapters will be this long. It seems that I add things at last minute that I feel needs to be there. Thanks again and I hope y'all enjoy.

Chapter 13

"Didn't you hear him...It was me being a Freak!" Dean answered sadly as he swallowed hard around the lump that had grown in his throat.

"I am sure that he thought the same about me, when he learned about me having vision, but what exactly was it that you did? Sam said shaking his head at his father's harsh words. Do you remember when I started having the visions...you were the one who told me that I wasn't a freak. Now it's my turn to tell you the same big brother. Whatever you did then, that was a good thing Dean."

Dean gave Sam a small smile, at the thought that Sam had just called him his brother.

"I don't know what it is Sammy, when I first noticed it I thought that it was just my touch that made you feel better. But then when I touched someone that was sick... I could tell what was wrong and I would fix it!" Dean answered honestly. "After that I put all of it behind a wall, and I guess that wall just kind of crumbled on me." Dean added.

"Wait...all of it? Does that mean that you could do other things?" Sam asked, now knowing why Dean hadn't been scared of his visions.

"Honestly, I didn't even remember being able to do that, until I got here. But I guess sometimes things would happen and I would just chalk them up to being a coincidence. You know, like when you would have those nightmares after I came to get you at Stanford." Dean answered.

Dean, the yellow eyed demon called you by name in your that first memory we went into, is he the one who gave you this ability? Sam asked curiously.

I don't think so, my...abilities or whatever still work and yours stopped after yellow eyes died, but I do think that he wanted to give demon blood that night though. Maybe the blood would have made them stronger or something. Dean stated and zoned out a bit.

Dean? Sam asked after a few minutes of sitting in total silence.

"I'm sorry Sammy, I should've been the one who died that night instead of mom. None of this would have happened if it was me instead of her. You would probably be some top notch attorney with a beautiful wife, the whole nine. Mom would have a bunch of little Sammy's running around calling her Nana." Dean apologized while picturing the happy life that everyone could have had.

"Don't you say that, Dean! This...none of it is your fault and you know it!" Sam said angrily at the double standard Dean had when it came to that guilt.

"Do I? The demon originally came for me, but when he couldn't get me he went to you and then roasted mom on her own damn ceiling!" Dean spat out.

You're wrong Dean! Do you remember when Cas took you back in time...you came back and told me that it wasn't my fault, because mom had made a deal to bring dad back! Sam answered and was really trying to keep his cool.

Maybe if I had just let the take me, he would have forgotten all about mom...maybe I was the deal, Sam!

"And maybe I invented the internet, Dean! But it doesn't matter because I'm not the one making billions of dollars off of it! Do you see what I'm trying to say? If I don't get to take credit for that then you can't take credit for this!" Sam said as another light came on, and he pulled Dean toward it.

"I can't...not yet Sammy!" Dean said begging for Sam to see what all of the memories were doing to him.

"Yes. You. Can!" Sam answered as he kept pushing him towards the door.

Dean didn't know which memory that would kick him in the balls next, but he knew that it couldn't be a good one. Nope no sunshine and rainbows for him. Yet seeing the determined glint in Sam's eyes was all he needed to have him enter the door.

"If you walk out that door, don't bother coming back!" John's voice rang off of the walls of the ancient house that they had "occupied".

Sam watched as the younger version of him, did just that.

"You can not be serious, dad?" You just kicked out the most important person in our family! Dean reminded John of the conversation that they had years earlier.

"If he wants to desert us like that, then so be it!" John said simply.

"You can't really believe that Sam wants to desert us! You made him leave like that and now if you never hear from him again it will be your own fault! You spent all of that time teaching him to be a hunter...but all you ended up doing is isolating him from everyone!" Dean told his like he saw it.

"Enough Dean!" John said with his voice filled with rage.

"No sir...it's not! But that kinda the whole point nothing is ever good enough for John Winchester hunter extraordinaire! Trust me because I should know!" Dean yelled and made sure that his father had no doubt in his mind that he meant every word of it.

"Watch it son! I have heard enough of that from your brother, and I'm not going to stand here and listen to it from you too!" John said as he stared his oldest son in the eye.

"You should be proud of him! You should have been congratulating him, but no Not you...instead you push him away!" Dean answered as he stepped into his fathers face.

"I said enough!" John said in a voice that usually had either one of his sons' backing down.

"I'm not going to lose my brother over this! You know dad, maybe you won't stand there and listen to me." Dean yelled with as much venom as he could put behind his voice, as he made contact with his fathers jaw.

Dean slowly got his jacket off of the back of the chair, showing his father that he was no longer intimidated by him.

"Where are you going?" John asked from his new spot on the floor.

"I'm doing my job... I'm watching out for Sammy! Dean said as he walked toward the door, and hesitated for a second, before turning around to face his father again. Damn you both for dong this!" Dean said as he exited to catch up to his brother.

Sam gasped at the sight of Dean decking his father on his behalf. He remembered that night clearly. Dean had caught up to him and told him how proud he was for getting into such a prestigious school, and wrapped him in a hug, while telling him that he could call if he need anything at all.

"Let's go!" Dean said as he bolted out of the door.

TBC

as usually let me know what you think I'd like to thank y'all for the nice comments you have been giving me.


	14. Chapter 14

An: hello everyone, this one is a little longer but I hope that you all enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own them but I have fun writing about them.

Chapter 14

"I had no idea...you did that for me!" Sam said with glossy eyes from tears that he refused to let fall any further.

What did you think Sam, that I was some brainless soldier that did whatever dad ordered me? Or that I always thought what ever dad did, or what dad said was right?" Dean said shaking his head in disbelief, that after all this time Sam still thought of him that way.

"I never thought that you were brainless, I just always thought that you didn't give yourself enough credit! It's always bothered me that you haven't ever seen yourself as a good guy, and a better man than our father was." Sam pointed out.

"You were my brother Sam! What did you think I would do when dad told you to leave and not come back... did you think that I was gonna forget about you?" Dean asked shaking his head thinking that he sure as hell didn't need his father's help to ruin his relationship with Sam.

"You know I was shocked when you came after me that night, and then you hugged me and told me that you were proud of me. I shouldn't have been shocked that night though, because you have always done the right thing!" Sam said with a smile at the memories of all that his brother had done for him.

"You are so friggin' confusing Sammy...I feel like one minute you are telling me I am wrong and the next I always do the right thing. I know I've not always done the right thing...but I have always done what I had to do to make sure you knew that you were loved, warm and stayed fed!" Dean said with a sad smile.

"Well if it's any consolation I've always knew that you loved me, and I don't remember ever being cold or hungry!" Sam said through a lump in his throat that occurred when Dean had said that Sam was his brother.

"Thanks Sam, I did my best!" Dean said with the first real smile since he had been locked in his own mind.

The smile wasn't just because Sam had told him that he had succeeded in that part of his life, but it was more to distract him from the door that seemed to unlock.

"Ha Ha, nice try! But it's not going to work Dean, because I know what you are up to!" Sam said with a smug look.

"Oh...and what would that be?" Dean asked nervously, hoping that Sam really didn't know what he was doing, because he wasn't ready to face another door just yet.

"Yeah, you're wanting me to say that what you did was okay...but when has being possessed by anything been good." Sam answered with his hands on his hips

"I'm not trying to get you to say anything, as a matter of fact I know that I couldn't change your mind if I tried!" Dean said as he got up and decided that he'd rather face the next door than have this conversation with Sam.

Even though Sam had followed him so far, for some reason he was hoping that he didn't this time. Because he really didn't like the idea of Sam seeing all the crap that he had running through his head. But as usual he didn't get what he wanted.

He opened the door this time without hesitation this time, just wanting this trip down memory lane to be over.

"Hey kid, what do you think you are doing?" The voice was so loud that it actually made Dean turn his head quickly in the direction that he had it come from.

"That would depend on what you think I'm trying to do?" 16 year old Dean said sarcastically, as he slung the back pack onto his shoulder.

"I don't think you did anything kid...I know you took the stuff from the shelf, and I'm calling the sheriff!" The store clerk said as he grabbed the back pack and laid the peanut butter and bread onto the counter.

The clerk had expected the boy to start to cry and begin to beg for them not to call the cops.

"Whatever!" Dean said with a smirk.

He thought about running for it at that time but what would that do, except possibly get Sammy taken away, because they had at least another week left in this God forsaken town.

"Where are you from kid?" The clerk asked in a fatherly tone.

"I'm from Kansas, but I am staying with my aunt Cathy...but she's sick right now and is in the hospital." The lie rolled off of Dean's tongue easily, even though he didn't actually an Aunt Cathy or even an Aunt that he knew of.

"What about your parents...since you're a minor, I have to someone on your behalf!" The clerk said sounding as if this wasn't his first go around with kids trying to lift things from the store.

"Can't you just call the cops?" 16 year old Dean asked with dread.

"Sorry kid!" The clerk said in a sympathetic way.

"My name is Dean, you can reach my dad at this number." Dean said as he handed the man his father's "business" card that held John's emergency number for this type of problem.

The man took Dean into the back office, where he made the calls from, the first call was to the police and then one to John.

For the first time since he had been passing through these memories, Dean was able to voice something that outside of feeling from the memory itself.

"What the hell, I remember this one so why am I in here?" He asked himself, as he looked at Sam like somehow he would know the answer.

"Mr. Winchester...my name is Bob Cameron, I was just calling because I found your son in my store today stealing. It's my job to notify the child's parents as well as our sheriff!" The clerk said explaining how Dean would now be going to the sheriff's office, until John was able to pick him up.

Dean remembered thinking that his Dad was going to be so pissed that the people in china would probably know what a horrible kid he was. But to his surprise he heard nothing from the other end.

I don't know if they will do that sir, usually with first time offenders they send the kid home with parents, hoping that the parents can scare them straight.

Dean sat there not needing to hear what John was saying on the other end of the phone, because from that short conversation that he had heard, he already knew what his father was asking.

"So Dean...do you want to tell me why you felt the need to take these things from my store?" The clerk asked in a fatherly tone, once he had hung the phone up with John.

"I wanted to see if you are as dumb as you looked! Small town people aren't exactly known for their intelligence, now are they?" He answered smartly.

Without looking Dean could tell that Sam was shaking his head at the way younger Dean spoke to the man.

"So, stealing is a joke to you? The clerk asked leaning into Dean's space, but Dean's features didn't change from his usual smirk. Go ahead son, live it up while you can...cause Daddy's on his way, and I can tell that he doesn't take this stuff lightly."

The scene flickered to the sheriff's office, just as one very angry John Winchester entered.

"You must be John Winchester? The sheriff asked as he stuck his hand out for a shake. I'm sheriff Thomas". He told John as he motioned him to sit down.

"I'm sorry for the trouble that my boy caused you!" John said sounding sincere.

"It's really no problem Mr. Winchester, it's the age! I have actually arrested both my boys for the same thing at that age...now that was embarrassing." The sheriff said with a slight grin before he added. "Just give me a minute to finish up the paperwork and then you can take your boy home."

"I'm a single father sheriff, and the boy just cost me a days wages. And my boss isn't to thrilled about leaving in the middle of the day. What I am really asking is...is there a way to teach my son a lesson from this?" John said sounding every bit the part of the concerned parent.

"We actually rather you take the kid home with you, and give them a talking to!" The sheriff explained.

"That won't work with Dean, the boy is more stubborn than most!" John explained.

"I guess, if you would rather we could send him to Sonny's but I'll have to have you to sign some papers for that. Sonny is an ex- con, he works with boys that already have rap sheets longer than my arm. He gives them work to take their minds off of all the temptation that they face, tries to steer them in the right direction." The sheriff explained.

"That sounds like the place that Dean needs to be!" John answered as he rubbed his chin, looking like he had put some thought into his options.

"Okay...I'll call Sonny and let him know to set an extra plate for dinner." The sheriff said reluctantly.

"I'll need to speak with my son if you don't mind sheriff?" John said with a nod.

"So, this is the memory of how you got to Sonny's?" Sam asked.

"I thought that the cops sent me there...but I guess it wasn't!" Dean answered with a sad smile.

The scene changed in one motion to John entering the room where Dean had been sitting since he had arrived at the police office.

"Dean Winchester!" John said in a whispered growl.

"I'm sorry dad, but I couldn't tell them the truth because they would have taken Sammy away from us!" Dean said in low whisper as his head hung low.

"Oh and what would the truth be...that my 16 year old son gambled away the 150 dollars, that I left for him to take care of his brother with?" John asked angrily as he grabbed his oldest son's arms and shook him hard enough to make his teeth rattle.

"No the truth is that my father left me alone with my 12 year old brother, for over a month in a hotel room that was only paid for for a week! I had to give the hotel owner the money so that he wouldn't kick Sammy out in the cold. Wait, why am I apologizing...when you should be the one to apologizing to Sam!" 16 year old Dean yelled as he yanked his arm out of his father's grasp.

"That son of a bitch! Present Dean yelled, looking as if he was ready to throw down with the memory of his father. For all of those years, he made me think that I caused this whole mess!" Dean yelled as he exited the room.

Well that's the end of chapter 14 don't forget to review to let me know what you think! Hope everyone has a wonderful day:) Luna


	15. Chapter 15

An: This door was hard for me to pick, because they were so many to pick from. So let me know if you think I did the right thing or not! And thank you NC for all of your help! And a big thanks to all of my other faithful readers.

Disclaimer: I so don't own these characters.

Chapter 15

"Dean are you okay?" Sam asked as he took in the sudden drop in Dean's shoulders.

"Sure why wouldn't I be?" Dean answered as he cleared the emotions out of his throat.

"Oh I don't know, maybe because you just found out, that you were betrayed by the person that you loved the most in the world!" Sam said sympathetically.

"No I wasn't!" Dean answered softly.

"Well it sure as hell looked like it to me." Sam laughed at the fact that no matter how many years his father had been gone, he still had a way of getting under his skin.

"Sam, I loved dad, I looked up to the guy...and he sent me away, but he wasn't the person that I loved most in the world." Dean answered looking Sam in the eyes, not trying to hide the fact that the person he loved most was standing in front of him.

"Maybe he wasn't, but that still had to sting a bit!" Sam said as he put his hand on Dean's shoulder trying to comfort him.

"It's not like it surprised me...In fact it probably wasn't the first time, and it definitely wasn't the last." Dean told him with a shrug as if it wasn't a big deal.

"Dean, don't you see that what you are doing...is exactly the reason that you are in this predicament, right now!" Sam told him in with a chuckle in disbelief.

"What do you want me to say? That my life has pretty much sucked from the get go! Or that the reason that I am nothing, is because nothing that I have ever done has been good enough...not for Dad and not for You? That dad never saw me as a hunter? That all I was to him was a nanny, a hunter, or a freak! And maybe even the occasional punching bag!" Dean yelled as he punched the wall.

"Dean...you are far from nothing, look at all you have done for me, for my entire life!" Sam told his brother as listened for Dean's breath to calm down.

"And look at all that got me,Sam!" Dean said not even giving Sam the chance to answer before he was walking to the next door. Come on, you bastard open up! Dean yelled as he pounded away at the door.

"That's not working!" Sam said as he came up behind Dean.

"Of course it's not! And do you wanna know why?...it's because I want it to work! It's like when God created the world, he put in a clause. Just make sure Dean Winchester never gets what he wants, and if he does yank it away from him as quick as you can! Come on, let's see what else you got...see if you can pour salt in anymore wounds!" Dean yelled at the door.

As soon as the words were out of Dean's mouth, the light under the door came on. So with a confident had he reached to pull the door open.

"Wrong door!" Dean said as he pushed Sam back, as soon as he saw what memory it was.

"No Dean, you have to face this and you know it!" Sam answered as he looked at the scene ahead of him.

Dean was laying in the bed with a girl that he recognized as Cassie.

"I love you Cassie!" Dean said in awe of the woman beside him.

"I love you too, Dean!" Cassie said with a grin.

"I mean it Cassie, I have never felt this way about anyone!" Dean said as he softly kissed her lips.

The scene quickly flickered and was replaced by a scene of Dean and Cassie sitting at the kitchen table.

"So you really have to leave?" Cassie asked sadly, as she tried to hide the tremble out of her voice.

"Yeah, I don't want to, but my dad and brother need my help!" Dean said unable to look her in the eyes. Feeling that if he did he may not be able to leave.

"What exactly is it that Sammy and your dad need your help with?" She asked curiously.

Sam gasped in shock at the mention of his name coming from Cassie's mouth.

"You told her about me?" Sam asked sounding confused.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I... I was in love with her?" Dean answered.

"They are hunting." Was Dean's reply.

"That must be a whopper of a deer, if it takes more than two people to haul out!" Cassie said with a laugh.

"It's not exactly deer hunting, and if I don't go Sammy could get hurt." Dean told her reluctantly.

Sam could tell that at that moment Dean was debating to tell Cassie the truth.

"Then what kind of hunting is it Dean!" Cassie asked with a suspicion that Dean was just looking for a way out.

"Werewolves." Dean answered hoping that Cassie would believe him.

"Excuse me?!" She asked hoping that she hadn't heard that right.

"They are hunting werewolves and apparently one got my brother's scent." Dean explained in a begging voice.

"You are either crazy or very stupid...those things are made up, Dean! I thought that you loved me!" Cassie said angrily.

"I do Cassie, but the things in your nightmares are real!" Dean begged for her to believe him.

But instead it angered her more and she smacked him across the face before pushing him towards the door.

"I love you Cassie. I understand if you think that I'm crazy, and I wish I could stay and explain it all, but I can't let my brother get hurt!" Dean spoke not even trying to hide his emotions this time.

Sam looked at his brother, expecting to see the I told you so look on his face, but instead all he seen was sadness.

"Come on, Dean! Sam said softly to his brother. Who looked as if the break up had just happened instead of years ago. Dean we need to get out of here!" Sam repeated but when he got no reaction, he took his brother's hand and lead him out of the memory.

TBC

I have a few more chapters left, hope you stick with me until the end. Let me know what you all think or any suggestions that you might have.


	16. Chapter 16

An: hello everyone! Thanks for the reviews I really enjoy hearing from you all.

Disclaimer: Kripke owns them not I.

Chapter 16

"You gave her up for me, but why would you do that? You were in love with her!" Sam asked unable to understand.

"Don't you get it Sam, I was raised to that...I was never meant to be anything other than a your protector or your brother, and that's all that I am Sam!" Dean said trying to make Sam understand.

"You could have been something else, you had a choice!" Sam answered as he watched his Dean shake his head doubtfully.

"Maybe I could have in another life, but not in this one!" Dean answered in a voice that almost sounded sad. "That night that you told me that what I done was selfish and that we weren't brothers anymore, you took me away Sam! And I'm sorry if you think I was being selfish, but if you died I wouldn't be me...why can't you understand?" Dean asked with a shaky voice.

"I know that dad drilled all of that crap into your head, but you could have been different...you could have chosen not to do what dad told you...especially years after his death!" Sam said angrily.

"You don't understand Sam, I didn't do it because dad told me to...well maybe I did at first but somewhere down the line that changed!" Dean said trying to explain in a way that Sam would understand.

"What changed Dean? Please tell me...because I want my brother back too!" Sam said not only trying to listen but also to understand.

"What changed was that you were the only person since mom died that loved me...i could be myself Sam, and you loved me anyway!" Dean said looking shameful at all the things that he was telling Sam.

Sam was shocked but not only at the words Dean had said, but also the amazingly bright light that shone from an already opened door. It was almost as if they were being invited into the door. Sam pulled Dean to his feet and along with him to the door. But when they reached the threshold Dean was unable to go any further.

"I guess this door isn't for me, Sammy!" Dean answered from the hallway.

As Sam turned to the image beyond the door. He saw himself laying in a hospital bed, and listened as the doctor told Dean that he was dying.

No! That can't happen! Dean yelled at the doctor.

"You have to understand, your brother's organs are failing!" The doctor spoke in a sympathetic tone.

"Th-there has to be something that you can do, Doc!" Dean begged for his brother's life.

"I wish there were, but we are just doctors...we can't work miracles." The doctor explained as he left.

If it wasn't for the look on Dean's face, Sam would've been tempted to laugh at the doctor's choice of words.

"Don't worry, Sammy...I'll save you! You hear me Sammy? You're not gonna die...I'll fix this! I promise, and I never break a promise, not to my little brother!" Dean said erratically, as he pushed Sam's hair back and placed a kiss on his forehead before he left.

Like the rest in all the other memories, this one flickered out making room for the next one. This one was of Dean in the chapel, with candles softly lighting the walls. Dean's head was bowed, as clutched the pew as if it was the only reason that he was still standing.

"This goes out to any angels listening! This is Dean Winchester and I need your help...please? It's my brother...he's dying, and I just need someone to patch him up. I give you my word that you can do whatever you want to me. I'll stay away from him if that's what you want, I'll go somewhere where he won't find me...just please save my brother!" Dean openly begged.

Sam was shocked that his brother offered to leave, as long as his life was saved. Then in a quick flash the scene changed once again, to the cabin outside of cold oak. Dean seemed so lost.

"I want you to come with me." Bobby told Dean as he stood beside him.

Sam watched in surprise as Bobby's offer was denied, because he figured as long as Dean had Bobby he wouldn't be alone.

"I just don't think that you should be alone right now. Something big is going down, I mean end of the world big." Bobby said trying to convince Dean to come with him.

"THEN LET IT END!" Dean screamed, with every part of his being.

"You don't mean that!" Bobby replied calmly looking at Dean with sympathy.

"You don't think so...you don't think that I've given enough! You don't think that I've paid enough! I'm done with it...with all of it! And if you knew what was good for you, you'd turn around and get the hell out of here! GO!" Dean yelled as he pushed Bobby away.

At that time Sam had no doubt in his mind, that if Dean hadn't thought of the crossroad that night, then his bother would've taken his own life. He watched as Dean cried over his body and took the blame for his death. That was the minute that Sam realized that Dean must have felt at that time, the same way Sam had after Dean was electrocuted, and all those times in the mystery spot...maybe even worse because it also dawned on Sam, that Dean didn't only lose his brother or best friend but his child as well.

"Oh my God, no wonder Dean had done all of those things!" Sam said as the realization hit him.

It was only a few seconds later that Sam realized that the memory was over, and found himself able to move.

"Dean?" Sam called as soon as he got into the hallway.

"Are you okay?" Dean asked worriedly as he checked his brother for injuries.

"I get now...I understand, Dean!" Sam admitted full of emotion, as he hugged his brother.

"What?" Dean asked in confusion.

"I was wrong, Dean. About all of it, you weren't being selfish...you tried to tell me and I wouldn't listen. And I'm sorry, Dean...you were always my brother I was just to stubborn to see it!" Sam said pleadingly.

"Don't apologize Sammy...I screwed up, like I always do!" Dean said as he wiped his eyes, when a few tears fell.

"Come on, we should be able to leave now. We went through all of the doors." Sam said ready to get out of his brother's head.

Well that's it for the doors, but will Dean leave? I don't know...well I do but I'd like to have everyone's input. So please please please review and let me know what you think. Did you find this chapter satisfying?


	17. Chapter 17

An: it's me again Margret...okay not finishing that sentence. Hope you all are happy and healthy today. As usually I'd like to thank everyone who took the time to read...and a gold star for those who read and reviewed. Everyone is awesome!

Disclaimer: can't say that I'd be disappointed if I did, but I don't own them.

Chapter 17

"I can't go Sammy." Dean said as he sat back down in his usual space.

"Did you not hear me? I told you that I understand, why did what you done?" Sam asked sounding confused, after just giving Dean what he thought he needed to hear from him.

"It isn't anything to do with that, Sam. I can go back with you because all of this will follow me out!" Dean explained.

"What are you talking about, of course you're leaving?" Sam asked not understanding what his brother meant.

"I don't know Sam, what if I come out of here and I'm not me anymore? And this thing that I have going on...what if someone gets hurt?" Dean asked his brother sadly.

"Then we will just find a way to fix you...and listen, these powers they are good. And if you could hide them from everyone for all these years, then you shouldn't have any problems controlling them." Sam said with a smile, knowing that now they could face anything as long as they did it together.

"What if I'm not strong enough? What if I can't protect you from ME?" Dean asked running his fingers through his short hair.

"Dean, you are stronger than you give yourself credit for, and if you can't protect me then I guess it's time for me to do a little of the protecting. But I tell you one thing for sure, they will just stay what if's if you don't leave here! I won't let my big brother die alone, so maybe I'll just stay here with you." Sam said as he sat down next to his big brother.

"Sammy, come on don't be stupid about this. There is nothing keeping you here...just please go back and be safe." Dean pleaded with his brother.

"Who says I'm the one being stupid, and I do have something keeping me here...my big brother. So thanks but no thanks, I will just sit here with you...that way at least we can go together." Sam said as he happily squeezed Dean's shoulder to show him he wasn't going anywhere.

Even though he knew it was childish, Sam knew all of Dean's buttons and knew it was the only way to get his brother out of this place.

"I-I want you to go back, Sammy! You will make it just fine without me...maybe even a little better than you do with me!" Dean said with the lopsided grin that Sam loved so much, except for like now when it was being coupled with dejected words.

"Yeah...that's not going to happen! So sack up and lets get out of here. Sam told his brother as he pulled him to his feet. Just remember that no matter what happens out there, that I will be right by your side helping you through it...just like you have always done for me!" Sam added with an admiring smile.

"I guess we're even now, huh?" Dean asked out of the blue.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked curiously as he looked for an exit.

"I mean you just stood there and let Bobby possess me...what, you three knuckleheads didn't think I would notice that an old man took over my body?" Dean asked with a smirk.

"I wasn't actually on the decision making crew, Dean." Sam told his brother and watched as the smirk fell from his brother's face.

"Oh...good...that's good!" Dean answered trying to hide the hurt from his brother.

"No it wasn't good, Dean! I was too busy being an ass...it seems like I have been doing that a lot in the past year or so, haven't I. First I left you in purgatory for a year and now this! But that stops now." Sam informed Dean, to ashamed to look his brother in the eyes.

"Sam I don't blame you for that anymore... I'm glad you found a woman!" Dean said with a tone of understanding.

"That's not the point. I know that you tried to get me out of hell, and that's how it's supposed to be! Bros before..."

Sam started but his brother stopped him from completing the sentence.

"Don't call her that, Sammy!" Dean said scolding his giant little brother, like he had when Sam was five years old.

"Why, maybe that's all that she was? You don't even know Amelia." Sam shook his head at how Dean defended his girlfriend.

"I know enough, Sam! I know she had to be a classy chick, if she kept you away from me for a whole year...you wouldn't let a woman that you didn't love do that!" Dean said grabbing Sam's arm to turn him around to face him.

"Okay, I get it...and you're totally right! I did love her. So big brother, how about you show me the exit and we finish this conversation over a slice of pie?" Sam asked hoping to entice his brother with his love of baked goods.

"You mean you love her, you said loved as in past tense...but you still love her! And the way out is simple, Sam...you just have to let go." Dean answered quietly.

"What about you, how do you get out of here?" Sam asked worriedly.

"I have to find my own way! Just let go Sammy!" Dean answered simply.

"But you will follow me out...right?" Sam asked already second guessing his choice in leaving Dean behind.

"Yeah, it may take a while longer, but I'll follow you little brother!" Dean said with a smile.

"You promise?" Sam asked, with puppy dog eyes shining brightly at his brother.

Sam watched as Dean just nodded his head in agreement.

"You have to say it out loud...and then I'll let go!" Sam answered knowing how his brother's mind worked, especially now.

"Fine... I promise to follow you out!" Dean said and wrapped his brother in a warm hug, as Sam vanished.

TBC

So what do you good people think? Let me know.


	18. Chapter 18

An: I'd like to Thank everyone for their reviews. I hope that I this last chapter is good for you all! Gotta admit that I'm a little sad that this one is ending...thinking of making a sequel though but I'm not sure yet. What do you all think?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything supernatural, except a coffee mug!

Chapter 18

"Sam! Bobby yelled out to the boy standing in front of him, as he noticed that he was coming to, after 8 hours of mirroring his brother's unblinking eyes. Are you okay, what happened?" Bobby asked so rapidly that he didn't give Sam time to answer.

"Yeah, I'm fine! I just went to talk to Dean to try and get him to come back! We had to go through the doors that were in the hallway...all of them! He promised that he'd follow me out!" Sam said with a shaky voice, as he looked at his brother who was still unmoving on the bed.

"What did you say to him?" Cas said protectively, as he entered the room.

"At first I was being an ass to him, but after we went through a few doors together, I began to see what Dean done for me a little differently!" Sam said still watching his brother for signs that he was waking.

"What was behind the doors?" Bobby asked curiously.

"Memories. Bad ones...most of them were ones that he blocked out! That last door was awful, Bobby. I watched him when the doctor told him I was dying...and then in Cold Oak when I did... I broke him Bobby, and dad helped! If he were alive right now I'd kill him!" Sam said somberly, while trying to swallow around a lump that had formed in his throat.

"I know the feeling boy, trust me. I felt that way more than a couple times myself. The only thing that stopped me was you boys!" Bobby said as he tried to comfort Sam.

"After seeing all of the things that he put my brother through, I wish you had've...Dean hid a lot of things from us, and I wish I could change that, but we can't!" Sam replied, itching to touch his brother but knowing that he didn't have the energy to go back in.

"Why don't you go catch a few z's, Cas and I will keep an eye on your brother for ya!" Bobby said seeing how much the trip took out of Sam.

"I can't leave him, Bobby! He's supposed to be out by now." Sam told them, not caring how whinny he sounded.

"Just lay down, Sam. Bobby and I will wake you if anything changes." Cas said as his voice and face seemed to soften.

_FYV_

5 hours later Sam woke to find the sun already set in the sky. He rushed to be by his brother's side, thinking that Bobby and Cas must have forgotten to wake him, when his brother awoke. But was disappointed when he entered the room, finding that nothing had changed.

"Come on, Dean...you promised me!" Sam yelled out as he touched his brother's hand.

"I'm trying Sammy, it's not as easy as I thought it would be!" Dean relayed his thoughts to his brother, as soon as their hands touched.

"Okay, just try and hurry because I miss my big brother. Sam said out loud with a happy grin on his face because his brother was actually coming back to him. He's trying to find the exit!" Sam told the others in the room.

"How do you know that?" Bobby asked with concern that Azazel had somehow found his way out of hell.

"Come here!" Was Sam's only reply as he motioned for Bobby. Now touch Dean's hand! Sam added with a grin.

"I'm not going to be back in that stupid hallway again am I?" Bobby asked not wanting to go back to that place.

"No, that hallway should be history!" Sam explained as Bobby touched Dean's hand.

"Hey old man...not going to jump me again are ya?" Dean asked with a chuckle.

Bobby's eyes went wide in the shock of hearing a man's thoughts that he knew for sure wasn't moving.

"What's taking ya so long?" Bobby said trying to ignore Dean's comments.

"I think that I should of taking a left turn in Albuquerque!" Dean said comically, inside of Bobby's head.

"Quit bein' and idjit and get your ass out here, where you belong!" Bobby answered while rolling his eyes at the bugs bunny reference.

"Is he doing that?" Bobby asked sounding puzzled, as he let go of Deans hand.

"Yeah! I always knew that there was something different about him, he has way to many hunches that always turned out to be right." Sam said proudly.

"Why is he just doing it now but more importantly where is it coming from?" Bobby asked confused.

"I don't know where exactly it came from...but I do know that Dean healed me once, and Dad basically told him he was a freak and that he would be hunted if he used it anymore. So Dean put it away, along with all of those memories that he didn't want to remember!" Sam said simply.

"Why would John say that, I mean any kinda powers like that could be useful on hunts!" Bobby said once again, wishing he could strangle John Winchester.

They all three watched as Dean began to stir on the bed where he had lay for so long.

"Hey welcome back big brother!" Sam said happily as he looked into his brother's eyes.

Sam was ready for an eye roll or even a punch to the arm. But what happened next floored him. Dean raised up and wrapped Sam in a bone crushing hug, and sobbed loudly.

The walls literally began to rattle with emotion and numerous books fell from their shelves.

"What's going on?" Bobby asked worried that it may have been an earthquake.

"Calm down, big brother! I'm here and I'm not going anywhere!" Sam said trying to console his brother.

Slowly the walls stopped rattling as Dean began to calm.

"Sorry!" Dean spoke wiping tears from his eyes, but concerned about how Bobby would react to his powers going haywire.

"No problem son! We just need to find out where these powers of yours came from." Bobby answered with a grin.

"I know where they came from, my father gave them to him! They were given to Dean because he was Michael's vessel!" Cas said flatly.

"How come you didn't ever say anything Cas?" Dean asked almost sounding angry.

"Because I didn't know that you had any powers, that's why I was so concerned for you to say yes to Michael...without powers Michael would have burned through you, like Lucifer did Nick!" Cas explained

"And that's why you didn't bat an eye when Sam said yes to Lucifer, because he had powers that Azazel gave him." Dean asked simply.

"I didn't want Sam to do it anymore than I wanted you to, and even though he didn't have powers at the time...I knew that he could withstand Lucifer. But my loyalties are mainly to you Dean!" Cas said with a grin.

"I understand that Cas, but from now on I want you to look after Sam too...because you and Sam are all I have left."

"I need to get Bobby back to Heaven." Dean heard Cas's thoughts before he even voiced them.

"Just wait a minute Cas, I need to say something to Bobby...something I should have said before he died." Dean said as he walked up to Bobby.

"I just want to say thank you, you were always the father I needed...and I will miss you everyday!" Dean said with tears in his eyes.

"I always felt that the two of you were as much mine as you were John Winchester's and you two saved my life many of times without even knowing it!" Bobby said with a smile.

"See you later, Bobby!" Sam said with tears in his eyes.

"Yeah just make sure that it isn't to soon, idjit's!" Bobby said looking at the faces of his two boys.

"No promises, but we'll try!" Dean said as he felt Sam squeeze his shoulders telling him that he wasn't going anywhere.

THE END

Well that's it don't forget to review and let me know if you liked it or not. Should there be a sequel, I haven't made up my mind yet.


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